Grief
by TFALokiwriter
Summary: What if Kirk remained in his coma longer than expected? / It started with ideas of Spock visiting Kirk during the time he was in a coma inspired off pictures where Spock had been by the man's side waiting for him to wake up or conducting a mind meld by the comatose captain.


Thirty-four years since the defeat of Khan. Spock had daily visits the first year for the hospital room where Kirk was left in, as did McCoy, Uhura, Scotty,Chekov,Sulu, and Carol. There was bitterness in the air after each visit. Anger, regret,and sadness. Despair was one of them. Spock and the rest of the crew returned to space without the captain. It did not feel right. When Spock first came on the bridge he expected to see the young captain in his chair eating an apple talking with the doctor regarding something illogical.

The doors remained open for five minutes when it occurred to the Vulcan that Spock was the captain.

Not Kirk.

They all moved on.

But at the back of Spock's mind, his thoughts went to Kirk, wondering, hoping, when he'll come out of it.

The crew reunited two decades ago when Khan returned, they defeated him, at the cost of Scotty's life. So very much like how the captain died initially. Spock and Uhura had two Vulcan children named George Uhura was twenty-two and Sweevik was twenty-one at this time in their separate ways were either out of Star Fleet or in Star Fleet. Sweevik went into the medical profession. George left Star Fleet after his crew were taken in the exchange of a Romulan terrorist and he was the only survivor of the entire day.

They never heard a word from George again after he went into deep space. Spock had heard rumors that his son was making ruckus on a Romulan outpost, took over a street corner, and was shot dead at the forehead personally by a Romulan SWAT team. Spock felt the death of George Uhura. It was a painful day for the family. Knowing but never retrieving the body as the Romulans claimed that such a event had never happened. The amount of pain he had felt for the death of his son made sense for the manner of his death.

Uhura kept in touch with Sweevik.

"Where are you going?" Uhura asked.

"To visit Jim." Spock replied.

Uhura's face softened.

"I will drive you." Uhura said.

"Thank you," Spock said, in a low voice as they exited the apartment. "Ashayam."

Uhura squeezed his hand.

* * *

Everyone was no longer young as they were long ago, in fact they were aging gracefully. Freenser had drifted away returning to his civilization after the death of Scotty. Spock appeared to be middle aged though his youth remained longer than most humans like Vulcans. Spock had decided recently to return to Earth, off his duties from commanding the _USS Pavel_ , it was a required shore leave that was mandated for most officers returning to Earth.

The drive to the hospital was silent.

"Sweevik has accepted the promotion of lieutenant commander." Uhura said.

"I am pleased," Spock said. "He is excelling in his field."

"He wishes to hear from you." Uhura said.

"I have been busy." Spock said.

"You have been grieving over the loss of one child when you still have one alive," Uhura said. "And you are ignoring the one alive."

"Illogical." Spock said

"It is true," Uhura said. "Sweevik is unaware that he resembles his brother. I understand how painful it is for you to see George in him."

"How can one feel pain when it is not inflicted." Spock said.

"Emotional pain," Uhura said. "You need to speak with a therapist."

"I have one already." Spock said, softly.

"Who?" Uhura asked.

"You." Spock said.

Uhura's cheeks burned, flattered, and her eyes turned into flames at first then they died down.

"I am not an expert, Spock," Uhura said. "I thought you moved on."

"I have." Spock said.

"You have not moved on," Uhura said. "You must talk to someone regarding George before you return to the _USS Pavel_."

"As you wish." Spock said.

* * *

"He has been in his coma long enough, Mr Spock, we must take him off life support." The doctor said.

"It is illogical to let a man starve to death while he is at rest, that is unnecessary, and cruel." Spock replied.

"It has been _thirty-four_ years," The doctor said. "Star Fleet will not be paying his bills, in fact, it is mandated that if he does not wake up after today then no one will pay his bills and he will have to wake up due to starving. Is it logical to lure a man to reality? For all we know, he is dead. Brain dead."

"I have done countless mind melds with them and he is still there," Spock said. "Your assumption that he is intentionally staying in the coma is incorrect. He is not brain dead."

"If he had a blood transfusion that saved his life, shouldn't he be up and about?" The doctor asked. "Not resting here like a vegetable?"

"That is logical." Spock said.

"Then you see the logic that if he does not wake up today then we must flip the switch and ease his suffering." The doctor said.

Spock's older hands curled up into a ball.

"He is NOT suffering." Spock said.

"Mr Spock, calm down." The doctor said.

"That is illogical on the idea, my friend, is suffering. If you flip the switch then I will unflip it and I will bring him to a suitable housing facility where he will have a greater chance of waking up with people who believe in him other than incompetent and hopeless doctors," Spock said, harshly. "I know the doctor who took care of him first, and I am far willing to take my friend out of here rather than let him stay."

"You need authorization." The doctor said.

"I am Captain Spock," Spock said. "I have that authorization."

* * *

"Spock!" Uhura came to the shuttle pad.

Spock turned away from the shuttle only to be caught into a hug by his wife Nyota Uhura. His hand went behind her neck where he gently stroked her then his hand went down to her backside. She brought her head up in the direction of Spock appearing to be hopeful and at once afraid. He could see the kind eyes staring back at him. There were tears at the edges of her eyes where they were starting to form.

"Come back alive." Uhura said.

"I have, and always will, come back for you," Spock stroked the side of her cheek using his two fingers. "You act as though I will die. That is illogical. I will not die."

Uhura placed one hand on the side of Spock's face and brought him into a kiss. Her hand slid down from Spock's side to his shoulder.

"Go get him." Uhura said, squeezing his shoulder.

Spock nodded.

"Captain!" Came the pilot. "We are prepared to embark to the _USS Pavel_!"

"When I return," Spock said. "We will both share the discussion with Sweevik." He had one hand on the smaller wrinkled hand placed on his hand where he could feel a light sensitive feeling traveling up from his hand where he made her take her hand off and their hands squeezed together. "You must not be part of this, Nyota, it is my idea and mine alone."

Uhura nodded.

"I understand." Uhura said.

"This is not favoritism." Spock replied.

Uhura smiled.

"No, it is not." Uhura said.

Uhura's grip on Spock's hand loosened and she let go of his hand.

"Live long and prosper." The Vulcan said.

Spock held his hand out with the Vulcan salute and Uhura reciprocated then he went up the stairs and got on to the shuttle that had equipment and a resting body with a face that wasn't seen because there was a technician of the sorts in the way. Uhura lowered her hand down to her side watching the doors close. She watched the shuttle depart from the shuttle bay flying off into space.

* * *

What Doctor McCoy did not expect, for his privately run clinic that is for all types of patients, is the room where a patient would normally be treated to be transformed entirely different within twenty-four hours. He was on a Class M planet called Earth 2 where it had a assortment of diverse species. He didn't make his clinic a publicly run one as some of the boys who got reckless and got hurt in the process reminded him of Kirk. Doctor McCoy was by the doorway reading a padd when a familiar pointy eared captain in a red uniform with dark pants came down the hall with hands behind his back.

"Spock, you pointy eared hobgoblin, this is a _private_ clinic!" McCoy shouted. "What is all this for?"

"Doctor McCoy, please step aside." Spock said.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on!" McCoy said.

Spock took McCoy by the shoulder and took him aside where a couple of men went past.

"I have taken the liberty of proving, to star fleet, that he is not brain dead."

McCoy raised an eyebrow.

"Who?" McCoy said.

"Jim." Spock let go of McCoy's shoulder.

McCoy's eyebrow had lowered down and instead his eyebrows furrowed.

"He is in a damn coma, Spock." McCoy said.

"I am well aware of that," Spock replied. "But I believe Star Fleet has recently gotten 'creative' with the term 'alive in a coma'."

"What?" McCoy said, dumbstruck

"Doctor McCoy, I need you to perform a brain scan on Jim." Spock said.

"Wait, Jim IS HERE?" McCoy said.

"In this building," Spock said. "Affirmative."

McCoy turned away then ran in the direction of the men who passed him.

* * *

McCoy rubbed his chin, arms folded, staring at the screen with a disgruntled expression.

"What is it, doctor?" Spock asked.

"He has little brain activity," McCoy said. "It is like he is hibernating."

"That is illogical." Spock said.

"It is typical for a coma patient to fall back in their brain activity but not like this!" McCoy said, unfolding his arms. "He has little activity. Normally they would be all over the charts with activities in the brain that make it seem that they are dreaming." Spock's gaze lowered toward the floor. "If we had done this earlier, maybe we could have spared his body being stuck in a vegetative state and ended his-"

Spock turned the doctor's chair toward him.

"Listen to me, Leonard," Spock said. "We are not going to end his life. I have done five thousand three hundred mind melds with the captain and his mind is still there." Spock let go of the chair standing upright. "I am convinced that the captain is hinging on between life and death, mentally, for he is only sticking on by a thread. My apologies for taking your chair. That was rude of me."

"That is actually nice to see for once from you!" McCoy stood up. "Normally you don't show emotions, but given this is about Jim, I didn't realize you cared about him that much."

"He is my friend." Spock said.

"We both knew him for so little and then him being taken away." McCoy said.

"Stop talking like Jim is dead," Spock said. "He is alive."

"He is gone, Spock," McCoy said. "If Jim were here to see it . . . He would agree if it was you much as he hated to do so."

"If it were you," Spock said. "Jim would refuse, and I refuse to. You used to believe that a man in a fifty year coma was alive-"

"That is because the medical professionals were idiots on Galios Five!" McCoy said. "Star Fleet has taken care of a comatose for long enough, and I believe, that his body has run its course."

". . . Doctor, if I can bring him from the comatose state he is in, theoretically," Spock said. "Will you believe?"

McCoy had a expression of disbelief.

"I would need to see it myself," McCoy said. "You have one day to show me that screen-" He pointed toward the screen. "Is wrong."

"I understand you are following the procedures," Spock said. "I do not blame you. I accept your challenge."

* * *

 _Kirk's blue eyes stared at the Vulcan._

 _"I . . . . want you to know. . . why I couldn't leave you in the Vulcano." Kirk said._

 _"Because you are my friend." Spock said, as another tear came down his cheek._

 _"One of my best friends." Kirk said, with a weak and pained smile._

 _Kirk's hand met the window making the sign of the Vulcan salute. Spock's fingers shaped into the form of the Vulcan salute. He watched as the illogical and irrational human being's eyes lose their light. The hand slid down falling to the ground. His eyes turned in the other direction. His chest had stopped moving. Spock lowered his head engulfed in rage and grief. All the missions they had flashed before Spock's eyes. He was hurting, emotionally, in pain. It felt like his heart had shattered into pieces. No, not shattered. Exploded to be precise for a Vulcan._

 _Spock looked over toward Kirk as his fingers started to curl up against the screen._

 _"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"_

* * *

Spock sat by the bed of the old captain.

"Spock." Came the familiar but older voice over his shoulder.

Spock looked over to see his older counterpart. Spock Prime was one hundred ninety-two years old, hands behind his back, and he had the appearence of a emotional but wiser Vulcan. His ears were a little bit larger than they had been before. He was in Vulcan attire. The younger counterpart watched his counterpart walk into the room with the door closing behind him.

"I heard you 'kidnapped' a patient without the proper authorization." Spock Prime said.

"You should be on New Vulcan." Spock replied.

"That is illogical," Spock Prime said. "My efforts have been successful in bringing the Vulcan race back from the brink of extinction. There is no pressing matter than making Spock of this timeline does not lose the Jim of this timeline. No Spock should be without their Jim." Spock Prime looked over toward the older Kirk. "He was sixty when he died in my timeline just as he was now."

Spock stood up.

"He died?" Spock asked, out of concern.

"Not exactly." Spock Prime said.

"I do not understand." Spock said, confused.

"He was stuck in a place called The Nexus, a out of time paradise, eight-five years later I discovered he died saving a entire system," Spock Prime said. "I visited his grave to make sure he was dead. To make sure the real Jim Kirk had died just as the captain had told me."

"Did you find him?" Spock asked.

"I found his body," The older Vulcan sat down into a chair alongside the bed across from Spock. Spock sat down into the chair he had been in. "He vanished from 2293. The year it is currently. The circumstance of his swan song was different as to what it was now," He looked up in the direction of his younger counterpart. "Then again, you went through two Enterprises in the same length of time it took for us. He was taken from the Enterprise B when he was an admiral."

"Which he is not currently." Spock said.

Spock Prime nodded.

"Makes it easier to tell you since I am not violating the temporal prime directive," Spock Prime said. "I know of a mind meld that is . . . beneficial to your situation."

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"I know of many mind melds but one that. . ." Spock said.

"Is not unheard of." Spock Prime said.

"The one you may propose will take the combine efforts of two minds." Spock said.

A smile grew on the well aged Vulcan's face.

"You know yourself well, captain." Spock Prime said.

"Affirmative," Spock looked over toward Kirk then to his counterpart. "A double mind meld to retrieve one mind."

Spock Prime nodded.

"It is only logical." Spock Prime said.

Spock Prime and Spock placed their hands on the side of the older man's face then they conducted the mind meld.

* * *

Kirk could see there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope flickered.

Can he finally get out of here and speak with whoever has been talking?

" _Jim._ " Came a familiar but older voice.

"Spock?" Kirk said, surprised to hear a voice he associated to Spock Prime.

The light at the end of the tunnel grew brighter and brighter. It took on the shape of a large doorway lacking a door only it really resembled a portal rather than a threshold. Kirk recalled dying on the other side of the door, watching Spock cry for him, and the looks on his crews face as they watched him die. Uhura was the first one to have her heart broken. Scotty was the second. McCoy's face had grown broken, shattered into pieces.

Kirk attempted to step forward.

Kirk could not move.

"Come on," Kirk said. "Move legs, move!"

They wouldn't budge.

"Help!" Kirk called.

Out of the light came the shape of a glowing white figure about the height of Spock.

"Spock!" Kirk cried.

The figure came over to Kirk then outreached his hand.

 _"Damn it, Jim, why did you have to die?" Kirk saw a rather disturbing memory unfolding before him. The doctor slinked down to his desk, crying, his eyes blood shot red. "You weren't supposed to die on my watch." His hand had balled up into a fist. "Why? You stole my heart, infant."_

Kirk took the hand.

 _"Do nae worry, lon' as we remember him, he is nae dead."_

* * *

 _"Naming a ship after Jim." McCoy said._

 _"USS Kirk." Spock said._

 _"Jim is going to be full of himself when he wakes up and hears of this." McCoy grumbled._

* * *

 _"Doctor,is there a khance he will wake up?" Chekov asked._

 _"Yes." McCoy said._

 _"I am marrying Hikaru in a couple months. I would like the kaptain to attend the wedding." Chekov said._

 _"He'll be there, Chekov." McCoy said. Chekov went past him. "In spirit."_

* * *

 _"What happened to Mr Scott, doctor McCoy?" Spock inquired._

 _"He's dead, Spock." McCoy said._

* * *

 _"Is the captain safe?" Came Scotty's voice._

 _"He is fine, Scotty," Came a southern drawl. "Just in Med Bay recovering."_

 _"I should have gone instead of him. I righted a mistake this time." Scotty replied._

 _"Scotty, don't talk that way." McCoy said._

 _"I could have done somethin' about it. He would nae be in a coma if I had done it." Scotty said._

 _"There was nothing you could have done," McCoy said. "You could not have honestly expected that punch."_

 _"I did the captain right, this time." Scotty said._

 _"Scotty . . ." McCoy said._

 _"Make sure she is treated right, will you, doctor?" Scotty asked._

 _"I will." McCoy said._

 _"Good. . ." Scotty said._

 _"Scotty?" McCoy sounded panicked. "SCOTTY!"_

* * *

 _"Will you marry Nyota Uhura?"_

 _"Affirmative."_

 _"Will you marry Spock?"_

 _"I do."_

* * *

 _"I thought you married Uhura, not the ship!" McCoy raged._

 _"Illogical to be married with ones ship, Doctor McCoy," Spock said. "If I had, I would have lost my marbles or you would have lost your 'Vulcan mind' as you once put it."_

 _"Why you pointy eared-" McCoy started to say but he never did finish._

* * *

 _"I miss Jim."_

 _"So do I, Leonard."_

 _"This feels so odd to be called by my first name from you."_

 _The Vulcan looked over in the direction of the doctor raising a arched eyebrow._

 _"Would you prefer I call you by your last name?"_

 _The doctor frowned._

 _"We are in the middle of a hostile situation, Spock, so yes!"_

* * *

 _"Dad, who am I named after?"_

 _"A good human."_

 _"Did you know him?"_

 _"I knew his son."_

 _"Who was he?"_

 _"James T. Kirk."_

 _"Hey, I wanna meet him one day."_

 _". . ."_

 _"Dad? What is it?"_

 _"He is in a coma."_

* * *

Kirk's heavy eyes grew light. He could feel someone's hand placed on the side of his face. He had seen memories or something close to that during the ascension. The memories had come to a abrupt stop. His vision began to clear away. The cold hand feeling vanished. His eyes adjusted to see a gray wall from across. He felt different. He could feel a thirst for water. How long ago did he last drink? The edges of his vision was blurry. The temperature in the room was cold and he turned his head in the direction of the meditating Vulcan.

He noted how middle aged the Vulcan was with his hair darker than gray.

The middle aged Vulcan's face was different, younger, but still recognizable.

"Old Spock?" Kirk said.

Spock's eyes opened, then the middle aged Vulcan looked down.

"Negative," Spock said. "My counterpart is over-" Spock stopped looking over to a empty chair. "Ill. . . Illogical." He looked over toward Kirk where he let out a very rare but fairly well smile. "Hello, old friend."

In the room came a familiar face, somewhere in his sixties, holding a padd.

"Spock-" McCoy stopped in mid sentence as he saw the crystal blue eyes shining right back at him. "Jim! You are alive!"

"Woah, Bones, you look old," Kirk said. "Like, old _old_!"

The door closed behind McCoy.

"Jim, you have been in a coma for thirty-four years." McCoy said.

Spock handed a mirror to Kirk.

"Thirty-four years?" Kirk repeated, seeing a face that he had only seen in a mind meld with Spock only with a certain bald spot. "OH MY GOD, I AM BALD."

 **Grumble, grumble, grumble.**

Kirk had one hand on the side of his face.

"Not completely bald." Spock said.

"Spock,old you died on Vulcan." McCoy said.

Spock's face was peppered in disbelief.

"But he was right there, mind melding with me, to bring Jim back." Spock said.

"I believe you had a ghost experience, Spock," McCoy said, with a smile. "Your very first."

"I need a toupee," Kirk said. "And I am _starving_! That makes a lot of sense for being in a damn coma for three decades! How did I get brought back to life anyway? Do you got something good around here to eat?" Kirk fell out the other side of the bed with a thud. "Ow, my back!"

It was illogical to smile.

* * *

"Dad, huh?" Kirk asked.

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"I did not tell you about becoming a parent." Spock acknowledged.

"You mind melded with me, Spock," Kirk said. Spock lowered his eyebrow. "So you named a kid after my dad . . . I am really touched."

"He died nine months, one week, four days, three hours,and thirty-nine minutes ago," Spock said. "Under Romulan fire. He is survived by his brother Sweevik including Uhura and I."

Kirk had a bitter smile.

"I saw that memory."

"How much did you see?"

"Only what I needed to. Bones filled in the rest. . ." Kirk poked at the jelly in the cup with the fork. "Spock," Kirk looked up from the jelly. "What was George like?"

"Much like you were when we first met." Spock said.

Kirk took a bite of the jelly using the spork.

"A hot mess? I find that hard to believe," Kirk said. "You are a Vulcan. Vulcans make excellent parents with their own kin!"

"He was human." Spock said.

Kirk stopped chewing as his mouth fell to the form of a smile.

"Oh." Kirk said.

"Sweevik, however, was not a hot mess." Spock said, his voice lowering.

"You have kids," Kirk said. "Unlike me." He took another bite of the jelly. "And you have a wife!"

"I suppose I am the lucky one," Spock said. "Chekov and Sulu married while you were in a coma." Kirk's eyebrows raised up. "Their son, George T Sulu, is currently the helmsman on the Enterprise B." Kirk took another bite of the wiggly blue jelly. "Carol Marcus is a head scientist for a classified project."

"What does the 'T' stand for?" Kirk asked.

"Tiberius." Spock said.

"They . . . They named him after . . ." Kirk said.

Spock nodded.

"They did." Spock said.

Kirk grinned.

"I know who I am visiting when they have the time," Kirk said. "What are they assigned to?"

" _USS Excelsior_." Spock replied.

"It seems Sulu's destiny relies on that ship," Spock raised an eyebrow. "Sulu commands the _Excelsior_ in the other timeline."

"They were quite sad you were unable to attend their wedding." Spock said.

"Do you think Spock Prime came to help you because he had unfinished business?" Kirk asked.

"It is logical to finish 'unfinished' business," Spock said. "It is common for ghosts to linger when they have something unresolved." He paused. "He told me that no Spock should be without their Jim."

Kirk smiled.

McCoy placed a hypospray on the side of Kirk's neck.

"Ow!" Kirk placed a hand on the side of his neck.

"You need your shots," McCoy said. "You are not going to be left vulnerable for the new diseases out there."

"Ah, so you missed me." Kirk said.

"Hell I did, and I am not losing you again on _my_ watch!" McCoy said.

"Where do you intend to go?" Spock asked.

"Well, I learned my mother is dead, my brother is dead, my brother's children have their own kids, and everyone I know asides to Scotty is alive," Kirk said. "I might go back to the old family house, kick back and relax, then go straight back at where I left off." He came to the bottom of the cup with the spork. "After I do some visits."

Kirk dropped the cup into the trash can with the plastic spork.

"That is logical." Spock said.

Kirk's eyes met the Vulcan.

"Talk to me about George,Spock," Kirk said. "I want to hear everything about him."

McCoy elbow jabbed Spock.

"Get that grief off your chest," McCoy said. "It will help you. Doctors orders."

Spock cleared his throat.

"He was . . ." Spock began. "When George was two years, three months, and four days old, the first word he said was 'Daddy'."

 **The End.**


End file.
